The Collector
by Marree
Summary: Irvine has an obsession.... A very serious... BAD obsession...


The Collector  
by Mariye  
  
======  
Disclaimer: I don't own Ty or FF8. I do own a couple beanie babies and beanie buddies though...  
BTW: The poem in here is actually from a real Ty Beanie Baby tag...  
======  
  
Irvine sat outside Selphie's dorm room listening to Fujin, Quistis, Rinoa, and Selphie talk.  
  
~This is perfect. I can hear all the good gossip AND better grasp of what women truely want. Not that I need pointers on getting women.~ He smiled to himself as he listened in.  
  
"You would not believe what Squall bought me!" Rinoa pulled a stuffed unicorn out of her bag.   
  
"ITS A BEANIE BUDDY!" All the girls squealed in delight.  
  
"A beanie buddy?" Irvine whispered and looked at the scene.  
  
Each girl was taking a turn hugging it.  
  
"Oh I wish Irvy would buy me a Ty stuffed animal!" Selphie touched Mystic's horn.  
  
"CUTE." Fujin said as she ran her hand along Mystic's rainbow mane.  
  
"I prefer Beanie Babys though. I have 25 of them on display in my room." Quistis said proudly.  
  
"I know, usually I do too, but this Buddy is sooo cute."  
  
"I've never had a Beanie Buddy before." Quistis said as she looked at Mystic's tag.  
  
~A heart shpaed tag... Ty... Yes, I think I recall hearing girls talk about this before.~ Irvine thought.  
  
"Let's go to Quisty's room and se her collection!" Selphie said leading them all out. Irvine ducked behind a potted plant and emerged after they all left.  
  
"Beanie babies... hmmm..."  
  
Irvine quick dashed away.  
  
---  
  
Irvine stood outside a card store in Balamb. He was scratched and his coat was ripped.  
  
"Man, all that over toys. I can't believe it. At least I got one though." He help up the little silver rabbit named Hopper he had managed to capture.  
  
"And all I got is one. Granted its cute... but one won't help me get babes!" Irvine said as he leaned against a wall.  
  
"Hey man, what's up with you?" A man in a trenchcoat walked up.  
  
"I need to get a hold of Beanie Babies..."  
  
"I think I can help you... but it'll cost you." Irvine looked at the man.  
  
~Hmmm... agree to a deal with the freaky man and get beanies for girls, or ignore the freaky man and get no chicks...~  
  
"Okay, I'm in. What would it cost me?"  
  
"You're a SeeD, right? 250 gil a Beanie."  
  
Irvine was shocked.  
  
"I only paid 50 for this one!"   
  
"Take it or leave it..."   
  
Irvine mumbled and took out his wallet. He counted out some bills.  
  
"Fine. Here's 10,000 gil. Gimme 40 of them. Different ones." Irvine handed over money.  
  
"I'll deliver a bag to you tomorrow at the gates of Garden at noon."  
  
"Fine." Irvine walked off.  
  
---  
  
"Where is he..." Irvine stood outside the Garden pacing.  
  
Suddenly the man appeared.  
  
"I have the stuff..." He held out a huge black garbage bag.  
  
"Finally. All 40? No doubles?"  
  
"Its all top quality stuff. From my private stash."  
  
"Cool. Thanks."  
  
Irvine spun around and saw himself face to face with Seifer.  
  
"Drugs aren't allowed at the school Cowboy." He snatched the bag away.  
Slowly he peered inside. He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Um....?" He looked at Irvine oddly. "Are all those rumors I was hearing true? I mean, collecting Beanie Babies is more of a girly thing..."  
  
"I'M ALL MAN! Gimme that!" Irvine snatched the bag away. "These are to help me in my quest to attain as many beautiful women as possible."  
  
"Sure they are." Seifer rolled his eyes and walked away. "And I thought Zell was a Chicken Wuss..."  
  
Irvine started to storm after him but stopped.  
  
~Let him think what he wants. I need to take these to my room and examine them, make sure they're good for getting women.~  
  
He pulled the bag shut and ran for his room.  
  
---  
  
"Hey Irvine? You in?" Zell walked into the dorm room. He saw Irvine sorting through some stuffed animals.  
  
"Hey Zell. Come on in. Wanna help me memorize all the poems for my new Beanie Babies? This is my weasel. His poem is, ehem:  
  
I'm not so mean, I'm really shy  
but every snake just has to die  
I grab them by their little heads  
and whack them till they're stone cold dead.  
  
Isn't that cool?"  
  
Zell backed up.  
  
"Kinneas? You okay?"  
  
"Of course. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, you're playing with stuffed animals..."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Um... I have to go... help Seifer train. Yeah that's it..." Zell ran out of the room.  
  
"Man, that was strange. Well, back to memorizing!" Irvine went back to reading all the little tags.  
  
---  
  
"Listen, this is all too too scary. Selphie, go talk to your boyfriend." Quistis said, hands on her hips.  
  
"So he has a few beanie babies. Big deal."  
  
"He TRIED to steal MY beanies. MINE!" Quistis flailed her arms wildly.  
  
"So? Its not like you have any good ones..." Selphie said. "Mine are all MUCH cuter..."  
  
Quistis watched as Irvine walked slowly behind Selphie, carrying a huge plastic see-through case.  
  
"You mean were."  
  
"Were?" Selphie raised an eyebrow. Quistis pointed at the cowboy who was running down the hall.  
  
"HEY! GET BACK HERE DORKUS!" Selphie went running after him.  
  
"Cheese it, the fuzz!" Irvine quick ran and ducked into his room.  
  
"KINNEAS! I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE!"  
  
"No hablo Ingles!"  
  
"ONE!"  
  
"Selphie.... um.... I love you?"  
  
"TWO!"  
  
"Oh look! Someone over there wants to join the Garden Festival!"  
  
"Huh?" Selphie turned around and looked. Irvine ran out and down the hall.  
  
"Sucker!"  
  
---  
  
"Okay, so this is for his own good, right?" Squall stood outside Irvine's room holding a video tape.  
  
"Yeah yeah, sure. Use the master key already." Selphie was standing at the door ready to dash inside.  
  
"Besides Squall. He needs to know the truth." Quistis shook her head. "This really will kill him though."  
  
"If that doesn't, I will! He stole my Chilly!" Selphie was bouncing up and down now.   
  
"Alright. I think you should break it to him though Quistis."  
  
"Why me? Selphie's his girlfriend!"  
  
"But he stole her stuffed animals and she's not exactly in a very kind and sensitive mood right now..."  
  
"BWAHAHAHA! IRVINE KINNEAS I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"  
  
Squall and Quistis looked in shock at Selphie.  
  
"What? Can't I be violent sometimes? I love those toys."  
  
Squall rolled his eyes and unlocked the door.  
  
"Hi Irvine. Quistis has something she needs to show you. Bye." Squall immediately walked out.  
  
"Coward." Quistis murmured under her breath. "Irvine. Selphie and I saw this news broadcast and we think you need to see it."  
  
"Where are my beanies! Ooo, are those the ORIGINAL dinosaurs..." Selphie stopped on the end of the bed and started examining Irvine's beanies.  
  
"EH HEM!"   
  
Irvine and Selphie turned to watch as Quistis popped the tape in his VCR.  
  
"See for yourself Irvine."  
  
Irvine watched as the News came on, and showed a story about counterfit beanie babies.  
  
"So? What does that have to do with me?"  
  
"Ooo, look at that creepy guy." Selphie said pointing at the screen.  
  
"Thats the dealer who sold me my beanies!"Irvine shouted, pointing at the screen.  
  
"Irvine. Selphie. I have to go... now..." Quistis said, running out, suddenly realizing how ugly this scene could get.  
  
"HE SOLD ME FAKE BEANIES?!?!" Irvine screamed, grabbing his rifle and shooting the TV.  
  
"Aw, well, its okay Irvy. You can still love all of them!"  
  
"BUT I PAID 40 gil for EACH ONE! DANG IT!" Irvine grabbed a fake beanie and threw it on the ground.  
  
"Irvy. Please calm down. Here, help me collect my beanies and take them home."  
  
"Yours... yeah..." Irvine slowly started packing them up.  
  
"And I WANT all of my original beanies back."  
  
"Sure Honey. Whatever you say..."  
  
He picked up a few random beanies and hid them under his head.  
  
"Hehehe..."  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. Come on. I'll take you to town and buy us some new beanies."  
  
======  
  
[the end]  



End file.
